Fear

What am I afraid of? Is it truly fear that I am feeling when I have thought regarding things that are going on in my life? Do I feel that the things that I am feeling are legitimate? 

I am not even sure how to put these fears into words on this page or how to tell the story behind them. I am not even sure I can go into the details or if I even remember them as clearly as I thought I did. 

That date keeps changing and the fears keep rolling in. One thing is a relieve but it adds another feel. How to I do what needs to be done day in and day out to keep things from changing. The years will be long and the time will be hard, but truly how do I continue. The last two years have changed my life and I am not even sure how I would put those two years into words on what has happened.

I can put somethings into words but others I don’t even know where to begin, and further still somethings I can’t even talk about for reasons I can’t discuss here. Or can I? I am sure I can but I won’t be able to put them out into the world until a later date.

Also if I put them out into the world what would the world think of me? Is that the way I want to paint the digital picture of my life? I don’t want to hide for the things I have done or the life that I have create. Will my story help someone in need? Will it guide someone in the right direction or will it destroy me even more?

The thoughts I have had over the last 2 years have been some of the most scary thoughts I have had in my entire life. I hope during the next stage of this whole thing that I don’t continue to have those thoughts.